Letter from a Passenger: My Vibrators, Breasts and Hair Held Me Up at Security

Hi. I have several TSA misadventures, thankfully never detained.  (Knocking on my wooden head.)

Once at O’Hare on way to Cleveland,  I had TSA agents hold up my luggage because they discovered *gasp*  my vibrators.  The one, a bright green with nubs on it, must have looked especially dangerous because two TSA women gathered around while a male TSA worker dismantled it and scrutinized it before deciding it was not going to blow up an airplane. Had I not been concerned about making my flight, I would have found the whole thing amusing. They were obviously curious as to what it was, but too embarrassed to ask. I guess that’s what I get for not removing batteries prior to packing it. Odd thing is that it’s not like it had accidentally turned on.

My worse misadventure was at Atlanta airport on my way home to Chicago.  I am quite topheavy  44I.  For some reason the walk through scan wasn’t sufficient.  They insisted I enter the full body scanner.  I had to hold my breasts a certain way, etc.  I really hated that I ended up scanned twice because of side wire looking a certain way.

A third event also happened at O’Hare.  Evidently my hair wasn’t sufficiently brushed out. After I walked through the scanner, the TSA woman had me step aside for a pat down.  I was scared.  Much to my surprise, it was just to pat my hair.  Serves me right for not being good about keeping my appearance up.

Debbie G.

Hi Debbie,

It wasn’t uncommon for screeners to prolong bag checks on vibrators (/dildos) out of boredom. That may have been what happened to you, as far as the vibrators. As far as the situations with the full-body scanners: Last I heard, it was the TSA’s mission to make full-body scanners the primary form of screening at airports around the nation. In other words, if they have their way, everyone in the country will either be passing through full-body scanners, or opting out, relatively soon. I always thought this was ridiculous, because they are highly prone to false alarms. Basically, compelling everyone to pass through even the new MMW scanners is an enormous waste of everyone’s time, as you saw when your breasts (and especially your hair) became issues during your scans.

-J

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