Imaginary Plot Wednesday: The TSA’s British Airport Security Allies Foil the Plot of the Plastic Bag

Submitted by R.

To demonstrate how your British allies are keeping us in the U.K. safe, I can tell you that the brave, selfless security personnel, with no thought for their own safety, recently foiled the plot of the plastic bag. It is a chilling tale all the more dastardly for this attempt was made by me, qualified Air Crew.

I was passing through crew security with my nightstop liquids in a small plastic see- through bag. I used a sandwich bag from a supermarket because the ones at the airport are a total rip off. After X Raying my nav bag the Mall Cop reject spotted the liquids bag and said this was unacceptable. It had to be the size the airport provided. This is wrong as the guidelines ( GUIDELINES not law ) state the capacity of the  bag should be no greater than 1 Litre. Her words, God help us:

“You can’t take that bag through security.”

No problem. I took all my toiletries out of the bag and handed her the contraband.

“No, you can’t do that. I have to X Ray them in the bag.”

“Er, you X Rayed them just now.”

“That wasn’t the right bag, I have to screen your liquids in the right bag .”

“What difference will that make?”

I know, gentle reader, what was I thinking, appealing to reason?

“It has to be the right bag.”

So off I went to pay one dollar fifty for two official sandwich bags. On returning I put my liquids in the bag airside. The liquids hadn’t moved throughout this exchange. I handed the correct bag to the screener so that they could be X Rayed in the correct plastic see through pouch.

“I don’t need to do that,”she said.“ “They are in the right bag now.”

Incredulous, I put my liquids in my nav bag and looked at the rest of the crew. They all had perplexed looks on their face.

So, fear not nervous traveler. The correct brand of see through bag is being enforced on all aircrew in the U.K. No favouritism will blight their righteous quest.

Ever vigilant, ever watchful.

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